This post was supposed to be short but ended up really long so I'm gonna split them into sections.. ?

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Seems like I'm unconsciously keeping to myself lately.. or something.

I've been unusually quiet around people, even the ones I could talk alot to. I apologize if it's boring hanging out with me these days since I don't talk much, it's to the extent of awkwardness sometimes.

Whenever there's silence, I always wonder if it's comfortable silence or not. People say silence can be comfortable, but I normally feel weird when there's nothing to say, like I'm responsible for it. What if "omg, it's boring now maybe we shouldn't hang out next time" crosses their mind? Or maybe because there are times where I can talk alot so silence is unusually uncomfortable? But how does it feel like for the other party? I guess there's no answer to this.


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About the lack of updates here.. there's less need to write, that's why. It's more like the lack of sensitivity towards everything.

To say I've been preoccupied with other stuff is just an excuse, I would say. This blog should mean far much than other things but I just, honestly feel so little about everything now. Strange phenomenon.

Also, I've been appearing offline 99% of the time simply because I'm at a loss for words these days. It's amazing how I had so much to say in the past. Small talks felt fine then, I guess.


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On a random note, I think admiring good looking males can get boring. They're things that last for 2 weeks, at most. (anyway even females have nice features) It's a common thought, of course.

On the contrary, watching people who sprout mean things, those who play pranks on others, those with vengeful, scheming eyes, those who look like there's always complicated, twisted things going on in the minds can get soooo interesting. There's never an end to it.

Intense eyes can kill you, don't they? Caramel coloured eyes that always twinkle, a smirk and an evil grin, ahhh. A genius in song composition and so much emotion put into a song. A person who screams for freedom yet has a strong sense of responsibility.

Generally speaking, just any musical genius with a complicated mind and intense eyes will get my heart pumping. Fantasies.


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Though people say "you'll have no regrets if you try your best!!",

I hate trying my best. I really hate to try my best. I hate to see myself fail, or to see myself not being good enough. It's a pretty warped thinking, come to think of it. Failure that doesn't come with effort doesn't feel so much like a failure to me. Failure is when you try hard but still can't be good enough.

It's a day to a new year, it's time I got rid of this warped mindset that's ruining me in many ways unimaginable.


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I'm a sucker for retro stuff.

So I went around asking shops if they sold portable cd players (discman) but it didn't matter that all of them gave me the "hello it's 2010 not 1998 why are you looking for a cd player when there are mp3 players all around?!"

and I got sooo excited (secretly or not so secretly) when I saw a shop selling vinyl records AND AND a vinyl player!! they cost 270 and if my dad's one is really spoilt... how about one to last me the next few decades?? I mean, they still sell vinyl records in HMV..


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We found a really cool cafe today, by the way.



Lastly, I cannot stand how horrible my english has become.